The Past Part 4

 Just a warning… a lot of the videos didn’t transfer because they aren’t supported on here… gonna have to do some research if you’re interested in seeing them… sorries.

Bricktucky

just so we cover all venues… cuz this really is an instant classic… Bricktucky   Click It. Love It.

anyways… had off this morning… and wasted it on masturbation… falling asleep after… and then eating like a fat cow…

i suppose i’ll go wash the shame off and get to work now!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Too Much?

probably… but when am i not over the top?  it’s okay tho because judging by your reaction i will cease and desist… i may be super horny and ridiculously graphic butttt i’m not an idiot…

a jewish lady just drove her minivan up the curb and almost hit that big cement thing that holds the building up

moving along… so saturday was the complete day from hell… including this dumb bitch getting up in my face at the other store… so like… it’s saturday morning and my boss informs me that the drain in the other store is clogged and he can’t run the dry cleaning machine… he’s waiting for a plumber… i’m at my store and it’s like crazy busy but we’re getting through it… around 3 after the drain has been unclogged and they have started working i head out there to get my clothes cuz no one else was gonna bring them here…
i get there and the first thing D.B. has to say is that the reason the drain clogged was because i had 3 1/2 bags of work for saturday… this obviously makes no sense and i point it out that the two have nothing to do with each other… i did make the mistake of smiling a little when she bitched about the amount of work they had.  she really believes that we all get together over here to “spite” her… i assure you that is not the case… we don’t even rent space in our brains for that woman… anyways… then she starts talking to our boss loud enough for me to hear about how i’m the “maaannnaaagggerrrr” and how i should be able to “maaannnnaaaageee” my store and blah blah blah… of course i then explained to her that our customers come first and we will take in clothes for whatever day they want them for and not what’s most convenient for her… this is a 6 day a week business… so then a load of clothes comes out of the machine and jim asks her which ones have to go… then the fun started…
D.B. “why don’t you ask Kristeeeen your MANNNAAGGGGERRR she has all the answers isn’t that right KRISTEEEEEEN the MAAANNNAAGGGERRRR?”

me:  “why don’t you go and get FUCKED or something so you can be a good mood!!!”

D.B. drops her work and gets all up in my face “what did you say to me??  you’re such a little twit!!”

(a lady just called here to see if her order was ready… i told her it was for wednesday and she seemed so disappointed… like she read the ticket number to me so she had to know it said wednesday on it… we don’t put a due date for no reason people!!!)

Me:  burst out laughing at the twit remark “get out of my face”

she walks away and tells me to go suck a dick… i said i would love to where’s your husband at???
she asks me what i’m even doing there anyway…. i explained to her that being a manager i got in my car on my time with my gas and drove here to make sure my customers got their clothes for today… cuz that’s what managers do… they step into the hell pit that is lakehurst cleaners and make sure shit gets done…  at this point i’d had enough and walked away….  but i still had to sit there for another hour to get my work… awesome!!!
by the time i got back to my store it was 4pm and i was SHOT THE FUCK OUT!!!  my head was pound from a very unnecessary adrenaline rush and alls i wanted to do was stop and close my eyes for a bit… that didn’t happen… the store was SOOOO busy still… people coming in one after the other all the work to sort and bag nothing was getting done… it was a giant flaming ball of awful… not sure how i didn’t crash my car on the way home…

yesterday was a pretty good day… had a bunch of people over for football… very disappointing jets game… ughh they suck… but i got to experiment in the kitchen!!  decided to switch out the english muffins for those little round biscuits and made little pizzas… they came out awesome!! much crunchier than the muffin type and they were cute too!!  then danielle and i made this scampi style shrimpers but then we broiled them in the oven with panko bread crumbs on top of them… holy crap were those good! some fried rice as well and for dessert i lit some bananers on fire after making them all happy in a bath of melted butter brown sugar and rum! super yummy!!!

well it’s like super busy in here today so i suppose the bitchfest will be over for now!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I’m Pretty Sure You’re Fucking With Me….

Mr. No Shirt thinks i’m a size queen… i’m not… he’s now calling me S.Q…. that’s wonderful… I hope he’s not saying that because he has a small cock… (which is impossible… at least according to my dirty dirty thoughts when it comes to him)… i tried to explain to him that size does not matter to me but he didn’t believe me… ughhh…. he was wearing sweatpants today… and now i’m a little bit more certain that he does not wear underwear… there was definitely a cock outline going on… and yeah i was totally looking… haha… my coworkers find it extremely amusing how retarded and giggly i get when he comes in… not gonna lie it’s pretty bad… if i could i would totally have my way with him… in the fitting room… bathroom… boiler room… middle of the room… where ever really… such a sexy sexy sexy dude…

oh wait!  i guess it would be important to tell how we ended up in that convo… so some freak sent the girl i work with a picture of a cock to her cell phone… she didn’t know who it was so she called the cops… mr no shirt takes the report and then yesterday him and i talked about it… he told me it was a picture of giant cock… to which i replied “sounds like a good day to me” cuz i LOVE when surprise penises show up on my cell phone… he tells me that all girls are same and blah blah blah… to which i replied “it doesn’t matter to me i’ll prove it to you!!!”… how the fuck was i gonna do that???? sometimes i really don’t think before i speak… so yeah….

so… here’s a picture of my boobs from when i was taking those estrogen pills… holy crap were they bigggg!!!  (not that size matters)

Friday, September 16, 2011

I’ve Been Trying To Accomplish That For Years!!!!

… and you just pop a finger right in there… – my initial (out loud) reaction to my new doctor sticking a finger in my ass… LOL… who says shit like that??? i do!  so… i’m happy to say that this little dry spell of zero hornyness should be ending very soon since i’ve found a doctor that knows what’s wrong with me… well, what’s wrong with my girl parts… i don’t think there is a medical degree in the universe that can figure the rest out… i’m very much looking forward to being able to get all turned on by looking at hot guys again…

finally got a day off this week… went down to harrahs on tuesday night stayed till thursday morning… i was sick the entire time courtesy of the estrogen pills i was taking so i didn’t exactly enjoy much of it… went to the spa anyway tho… got a nice massage and an awesome 60 minute long pedicure… felt great actually… chilled in the hot tub a bit and then laid by the pool for some hours… and bonus!!! actually caught myself not thinking about work a few times!!!

i really need to find a way to be allowed to work 1 night a week at delilah’s again…. i’ve been getting requests left and right and there is nothing i can do… =(  this makes me sad… i know it sounds crappy but i really really really HATE driving an hour to the up north clubs… plus my fan base is more local… not sure if people would be willing to travel or not… and i don’t wanna risk a shitty night… ughh… why does this have to be such a fucking issue????

well, at least now that football season has started i’ll have something to do on sundays again!!  fridays and saturdays i’ll still be a complete loser…

that’s it for now!  leave suggestions for video/picture ideas in the comment section!  =)

Friday, September 2, 2011

Just A Quickie…

so… while it initially seemed stupid to put a GNC in this shopping plaza… i’ve now completely changed my mind… not because i think their business will be successful but because of the surge in sexy jacked dudes that walk by my store all day… this is a fantastic addition to the plaza…

i got my nails done the other day for the first time in like 2 years… i’m gonna have to find a new way to finger my ass while i’m masturbating because these nails are sharp… and that’s no fun…

talked to mr. no shirt a few days ago… the lights were out when he came in and he asked me if it was quiet time… i said no but i wish someone would send me to my room… he said he would! (silent party in my head… and pants)… anyways… he was wearing jeans and they had a hole in them… it was kinda high up on the thigh and i didn’t see anything but skin… my new goal is to find out if he wears undies or not… hmmmm….

so on wednesday my doctor prescribed me estrogen… i’ve taken it twice now and it’s making me even hornier than i normally am… too bad the reason for the estrogen is preventing me from taking care of that… =( complete fail there…

the store was pretty busy today and i’m feeling fairly confident that the “new” from the new girl can be removed… we will now refer to her by name.  Jessica. lol… she’s doing well for only being here a month… like 2 wednesdays from now i’m gonna try to get an entire day off and go fuck off in atlantic city for the night… weeee willlll seeeee!!

it’s 6:56 and i’m gonna be outta here soon… i guess that’s it for now… next time… perhaps some pics!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Hurricane

ya know what the saddest part of this power outage is… the businesses in my plaza (dollar tree, radio shack) are not open due to COMPUTER FAILURE!!! like lights on? yes.  have product? YES! ability to exchange cash for product?? guess not!  like i get why mcdonalds and via roma are closed… they don’t have refrigeration… but a store with non-perishable products should have zero problem conducting business without computers…

computers are gonna destroy this world.

anyways… my store is open today even with no lights on… yesterday too… bored as hell but ah well… at least i’m getting paid to be bored… it does amaze me that customers come in here and ask for rushes… especially rush tailoring.. like the fucking lights are out… you really want your alteration done in the dark?? lol… eeediots…

another person who consistently pisses me off… mr. mermelstein… every fucking time he comes in here he gives me a hundred dollar bill the second we open… like… everytime… if he came in 3 days in row it would be 3 hundred dollar bills in a row… this would be okay if he wasn’t paying for something that’s $5.60… i think he does it on purpose… today i was gonna give him his change back in fives and singles but i stopped myself because the bank isn’t open and it was all the change i have… don’t wanna fuck myself…

why can’t i update my fb status using my browser on my phone??? they changed the mobile site and now it freezes my phone… super…

day full of complaints today… i think i’ll take a break and make an english muffin…

well all the work is done and i’m totally getting outta here at 1 today… hehehe… unless something fucks it up…

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Keep Walking Towards Me… No! The Other Me!

“I’d feel less degraded fucking for money than working somewhere for minimum wage… either way you get screwed while servicing the public…”  i’d rather at least have the opportunity to get off at work… definitely the better choice… lmao… i’m feeling kinda saucy today… and still a little bit juicy from yesterday… tonight i’m definitely taking pictures… and posting them in this blog… it’s just several hours away yet…

bored out of my mind at work today… store is slow and nothing is really keeping my attention for any long period of time… i finished watched Dinner For Schmucks today… hysterical!  might be one of my new favorites…i can’t get that stupid penguin scene out of my head… lol…  i suppose i could mark the 4 orders that came  in so far today or bag the 5 orders hanging here or put the shirts away but i kinda just don’t feel like it…

what i really wanna do is watch porn… or make porn… i wanna make a porno in which i’m the naughty dry cleaners girl and a hot dude comes in here and asks me if i can clean his pants… so i climb over the counter and start taking his pants off exposing his giant throbbing cock… so then i give him this like ridiculously sloppy blow job where i stick my face underneath his balls and just lick and suck all the way up to the tip of his cock… at this point my pussy is sooo wet it’s like dripping down my thigh (of course i’m wearing a skirt with no undies on… that’s what all naughty dry cleaners girls wear) so he stands me up and flips me around and bends me over the counter and licks my juices all the way up to my pussy… spreads my ass cheeks nice and wide and just dives in… he licks and sucks on my girl parts for what seems like forever then sticks his finger inside me and makes me cum like super hard… then says to me… “okay i’m gonna go get my pants out of the car”

OR

i’m sitting here and a dude walks in and asks if we shorten pants… i’m here all by myself and i’m like sure, just go into the fitting room and try them on… so he goes into the fitting room and comes out with just underwear on… sexy tight boxer briefs… they are most likely blue in color… then he’s like i’d like to get my invisible pants hemmed… i walk over to him and get on my knees and i can see the outline of his cock through his undies… i start at the bottom of his legs just running my hands all the way up to his perfect ass i reach around the front grab on to him hard and ask him if that length feels okay… he picks me up off the floor lifts me up against the wall of the fitting room and shoves his cock deep inside me making me scream at the top of my lungs… fucking just tears me apart making me cum all over his cock while he puts his hands around my neck kissing me just as hard as he’s thrusting… he pulls out of me drops me to the floor and cums all over my face… then walks to the door… i tell him that will be $8.00 (for the hem)…

either one of those scenarios is fine by me… lol… i think that’s gonna be it for now… i sorta have some work to do… finish this up laterz

and we’re back… wouldn’t it be hot to get my pussy eaten while eating a giant juicy peach?  i think so!
anywho… ugliest underwear ever pics!!

 

for real… those are the ugliest undies EVER!  lol… followed by the nicest boobies… LOL…

Holly Has Left This Particular Building

since everyone has been asking i’ve decided to make an official statement about why i will not be working at delilahs toms river anymore… i had this deal with one of the managers there that i could just show up and work on his shifts whenever i want.  this worked out for me because as everyone knows i work a fuck ton of hours at the cleaners and i don’t always know what my day will bring me making it hard to make a solid booking for dancing. it worked out for the manager because when i go there i actually work…. i have some statistics to back that up… i worked in the last two weeks 2 nights totaling 7 1/2 hours… in those 7 1/2 hours i did:
3 full vip rooms @ $100.00 each for the club
3 half vips @ $50.00 each for the club
14 lap dances @ $5.00 each for the club
4 customers that they would not have gotten had i not posted on facebook that i was working @ $20.00 each
tipped the waitresses $10.00 and the DJ’s $35.00add that all up… so that’s $600.00 directly to delilah’s in 7 1/2 hours  and another $45.00 to their employees…

so mid-way through my second night of doing this the manager calls me into the office and lets me know that unless i work 4 (FOUR) full shifts a week which includes one shift up in sayreville i can no longer work there… BULLSHIT i say… haven’t they ever heard of a part time employee??? and not for nothing me working 1 day a week and not sitting in the dressing room (which has cameras in it now b.t.w. ya know the place where non-dancing employees also get changed and people check their tampons and wipe their asses) complaining about the money i’m not making because all i do is sit in the back and smoke but instead talk to the customers engage with them… get them to spend money… guess that’s not the type of dancer they are looking for.  aside from that… as previously stated dancing is not my full time job.  i work at least 50 hours a week managing a store. dancing isn’t my lifestyle like most of the girls there it’s just something i do for extra cash.

now don’t get me wrong i would never ever judge the girls there for doing what they do for a living (some of the coolest people i’ve ever met, actually) but i think it’s unfair to group every person that walks in the door into that category… i’m actually still trying to figure out what the actual problem was… i really don’t think a girl complained seeing as i have a good relationship with the ones i do know… so that leaves one of the other managers… who doesn’t like my boyfriend (who also spends money in the club).

beyond ALL of this i’ve been dancing at delilah’s since 2003… that’s like 8 years… in 8 years i’ve never called out, been late to work or even late to stage.  i’ve never gotten into a fight with another girl, never done drugs or even had a sip of alcohol.  i respect the management and their dumb rules… i’ve never even paid a fine.

what really upsets me more than anything is that i finally found a way to make some extra cash and it’s something i LOVE to do but it got taken away from me. for no good reason.

Got to talk to Mr. No Shirt again yesterday… unfortunately i had to take him down a peg or two when he told me he is a die hard Giants fan… i told him he was almost perfect… so close… also gonna have to rescind my invitation to lick his ass… now the most he gets is a solid tonguing of the balls… and even sick as a dog he still looks sexy as hell…

So it’s Tuesday morning and it’s fucking cold out… i’m hoping to get like a few more summer like days out of this year… not that it realllly matters since i won’t be getting a vacation anytime soon…

i know i promised ugliest underwear ever in my last blog but i really just haven’t had the time… plus i feel fat… but i’ve been back in the gym a few days now and i’ll be taking those pics soon! also ones of my ass (as per request)  =)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Thank You DON’T Come Again

went into the 7-11 on brick blvd right by the pizza hut to check my scratch off tickets… i had 10 crosswords and i always check them all because sometimes i miss words… the guy in there gave me such an attitude because i was “wasting his time for 6 dollars” so i decided to stand there for the next 5 minutes just to see what i was actually distracting him from… turns out it was just standing around… audio/video to follow…

so anyways… that was fun… i’ll never go there again… and neither should anyone else… unless you want a slurpee because wawa just doesn’t do it right…
so i had a pretty decent day today… got to chat it up with mr. no. shirt.  (yummmmy)  got my car fixed!!  it doesn’t make weird noises anymore!! had a nice little hour break from work and nothing awful happened!! home at a normal time… gonna clean the kitchen, make some pork chops and watch some entourage… and just to make sure nothing ruins this day i’m gonna turn my phones off…
i need suggestions for some pics i want to take!  coming up in my next blog… ugliest underwear ever!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Multiple Orgasms

incestuous erotica is NOT okay… it’s NOT okay anonymous friend. … it’s not okay in England and it’s not okay in Toms River, NJ. it’s not okay… i t  i s  n o t  o k a y… ever.  lol… it’s just not. gross yuck eeeew want to barf and then barf again from seeing the barf… it’s not even okay on tv when you know the actors aren’t related…  it wasn’t okay in that movie where the sister wanted to fuck the brother… and then in the spoof of the movie where the sister wanted to fuck her brother… i do not like it in a house i do not like it with a mouse.. and if people procreate with their genetic matches everyone is gonna end up like the jews… with ugly sunken eyed babies…

moving along… i’m on day 7 of 12 hour days… i’m exhausted… i’ll prolly start leaving the new girl alone on wednesday night… she’s not an idiot so she should be fine…

i’m thinking a movie is in order… beee back laterrrrr…

dear mr no shirt,
… i just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely the sexiest customer i have… it’s not just that you look fabulous with your shirt off… it’s more of the way you parade yourself around your truck… the way you exit the drivers side and walk slowly around to the passengers side to put your shirt on to come into the store…then how you remove your shirt on the passengers side and walk back around so beautifully shirtless… your tan skin glistening in the sunlight still sweaty from your workout… i swear i could cum just looking at you… it’s like time stops in the cleaners while i’m watching this… mmm mmm mmmmmm
sincerely, kristina…
p.s. i would lick your ass.

hahahahaha…. i need a minute…

my minute was interrupted… but in a very good way… we will call him mr. hands off… only because he’s not into girls… i can still loooook thoooo =)

well this has been the opposite of a productive day so far… i’m sure it will bite me in the ass later… back to the movie!

didn’t get to watch much more of my movie… i’ve got this stupid headache… machines are breaking but the new girl is doing really well… i’m looking forward to a couple hours off at the end of the week… we will seeee!

Friday, July 29, 2011

I Think I Have An Underwear Fetish

i LOVE to look at nice bodies in underwear… like girls or guys…  girls in thongs or like those boy cut undies… boys in like those fitted boxer briefs… i like to see the outline of a cock just chillin in there… lol… or like when the tip of it is just popping out of the top… lol… i guess this is where my mind is gonna be all day… not a problem tho seeing as yesterday was a complete… no i shouldn’t say complete… 23 hours and 40 minutes of a fail… 20 minutes was very very satisfying… =)   anyways…

so i’ve been driving around with a rejected inspection sticker for some time now… (since last october)… i take it back to inspection last week and they give me this print out that says i failed for P0410… that’s the secondary air injection pump… another code (P0741) came up as well but it wasn’t in the failed for section of the print out… it’s the torque converter and has nothing to do with emissions…  yesterday i paid 350$ to have the pump and hose completely replaced… it’s working perfectly perfect.  so i bring it back to inspection after putting 40 miles on it… they fail me again because the system wasn’t ready… i need to drive more miles… the check engine light is still off tho so that’s a good sign…  i drive around a bit and just around 75 miles the light comes back on… i’m thinking… okay that’s just the torque converter code because i know it’s broken and i know i didn’t fix it… but i did fix the ONE thing the print out said to fix… back to inspection… FAILED… but not for the same reason as last week… this week i failed for the torque converter code even tho it passed in the SAME EXACT CONDITION LAST WEEK… now i’m starting to lose it… i ask the lady how it’s possible for the computer to think it was okay last week but not this week when NOTHING CHANGED?  she gives me the standard government worker answer… “i just plug it in the computer tells me what to do”  has anyone ever seen that episode of the X-files where the computers go crazy and tell the people to kill… Kill…KILL??? i wonder if she would listen.. prolly because people there are incapable of forming their own thoughts… so they refer me to the manager… who’s standard answer is. “ma’am, you’re gonna have to take it to a certified auto repair facility for that answer”  so let me get this straight i ask him… your computer system doesn’t make logical sense but instead of asking the people who work here i should ask the dude in the shop down the street? wow… so then i dig a little deeper into the guy and ask him how i could fail for one thing fix it and fail for something else the next week that was wrong the first time around… he didn’t know… so i freaked the fuck out on him… asked him how he could have manager written on his chest if he didn’t have the fucking answers… i’m a manager of my store and it’s for damn sure i know the fucking answers… he then told me that NO ONE IN THE BUILDING WAS ABLE TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS… i asked them what the fuck they get paid for? he didn’t know the answer to that either… he referred me to the customer service hot line…and then told me they prolly wouldn’t know the answer either… i might call them right now… and record it.

well that was fun… the video lags behind the voice part but whatever… it’s still pretty funny…” i don’t wanna say the computer doesn’t make mistakes… but it doesn’t”

kinda reminds me of those Japanese movies where it’s like the voice over… lol…

moving along… just got into an argument with Nick because he tied a fucking giant sign for a circus onto the front door… we may be a circus in here but we’re not a fucking billboard… plus he was blocking the sign with the store hours on it and the fact that we’re open.  i really fucking hate him… he should get a government job… anyways i ripped the sign off the door… now he can’t hang it anywhere… LOL…. fucking circus…

pic of my tits to make up for the ranting… fair trade eh?

also if anyone wants to send me their underwear pics that would be nice  =)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Perfectly Symmetrical With No Strange Curvature

Today Mr. No Shirt came in my job and told me how a crazy tried to grab his dick… i wonder how crazy i would have to pretend to be to get away with a stunt like that?  hmmmm….. LOL..

work was almost perfectly boring today with the exception of having to drive out to Manchester because someone called in a fucking gas leak…. there was no gas leak… there was however, a parking lot FULL of fire trucks cop cars and sweaty sweaty men in uniform…

my mom totally baked me a duckies swimming in a pond birthday cake and i want it SOOO bad but it’s at her house and i cannot take another second of driving around today…. this heat is absolutely kicking my ass… i’m getting old…

my photo shoot went awesome yesterday!  haven’t gone through all the pics yet but the ones i did see are fabulous! sometimes i look at pics of me and wonder if they are really me… lol…  and it’s totally not fucked up to buy a bunch of expensive shit to take pics on then return it when you’re done… not fucked up at all… resourceful i say!

not really sure what to do with the rest of my night… maybe i’ll catch up on my itunes… i need new songs…

Friday, July 15, 2011

Surprise Win? or Stalker Status What What!!

it’s totally okay to friend request everyone of the same name of a SMOKING FUCKING HOT customer that comes into the store right?  of course it is!!!! especially if you’re a hot chick… and i am… this works out… especially if it happens to get you friends with the hot guy… LOL… totally not creepy at alllllll….

so that was a fun little adrenaline rush… between mr. new guy mr. fuck me eyes and mr. no shirt i’ll be needing to bring in extra underwears to work… so fresh…. i just like to look… LOL

total weirdo just came in here… looking around the store… said i’m looking for my wife… i said she’s not here… he said…and you’re not her because you have pink hair… weirdddd… i suppose i deserve that for facebook lurking… WORTH IT!

i’m so antsy right now… 46 more minutes to go!! then the gym…

let’s see… a guy just got mad at a shopping cart and threw it..

creepy guy is STILL lurking around the parking lot looking for his wife…

and to wrap things up here’s a video of an old person who drives poorly… i wish i kept it going just a little longer because at the end he totally went straight from a turn lane…

ya know i was wrong… this happened next…

just saw the guy walk by AGAIN!!!  this is stupid… as i’m looking out the door ANOTHER ONE comes up to me… “how much to get a shirt pressed… and cleaned… and ready?”  ughhhhh i need to get the fuck outta here!!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I’m Like A Trip To Another Universe…. While Tripping

that’s how i choose to describe myself for the next chunk of life… seems fairly accurate…

one of my youtube videos has almost 100,000 views… kinda exciting… if it didn’t have an age restriction on it i’d prolly be famous by now… while i never object to people watching or commenting on my videos or pics or ramblings i’m kinda bothered by some of the comments people leave on this specific video… i feel as if the comments are just really dumb and don’t really apply to what we were going for… it’s supposed to be funny… nothing more…
check it out…  Lesbians In The Arctic

So like… why do people wait til i’m done making change to let me know that they have the coins? I know i’ve complained about this before but i’m trying to figure out why this keeps happening.  I’ve got it narrowed down to two possible explanations.  1: my super ninja change making speed is just too fast for them. or 2: they are fucking oblivious assholes who do that shit on purpose… (i know that contradicts and people can’t be oblivious and do something on purpose at the same time but i really think in this instance it applies.)  like you know you have the fucking change?  so why wait an eternity to tell me?  assholes…

i definitely think i’m gonna hold a contest in my store today… but no one is gonna know they are playing til they win… the first customer to NOT mention how HOT it is in here gets free dry cleaning… that includes not saying things like “stay cool” or “how do you deal with this?”  i know it’s hot… ya know what makes it worse?  the constant reminder of how hot it is…

i feel like i’ve been complaining a lot lately… prolly because there is nothing really too good happening for me… hopefully that will change soon… i wanna go down to atlantic city  for my bday next week but i really can’t afford it… and i reallllly need to get my car fixed… i hate driving around with a bad sticker… makes me nervous… bday gifts can be mailed to PO 652 Toms River, NJ 08754  =)

the shirt machine is broken again… nick is trying to fix it but so far has been unsuccessful… not gonna lie… it’s kinda nice that they aren’t working right now cuz it’s keeping the temperature down… for now…

Fight, Flight OR

stay just long enough to make it not seem obvious that you wanna get the fuck outta there… it’s kinda hard to decipher between that and flight… like where’s the line?? also it’s important to make a graceful simple exit…

snap back to reality… when did i become afraid of raindrops?… oh i know… when i carry a 600$ laptop and 2 cellphones on my person at all times… (and i have no early upgrades available) gotta be careful with that shit… did i really just quote eminem by accident? ughh…

this blog is not heading in the right direction… i’m just gonna stop here…

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Be Careful What You Ask For

boy:  send me a hot pic
me:

 lol… pretty hot if you ask me…

what an interesting day this was… left work at 230 today… came home and did nothing… well kinda nothing… webcams are the greatest invention on the planet… LOL…

krystle wants me to go to church with her on sunday… NOT FUCKING HAPPENING !!!
she claims it’s funny to watch… now i’m sure there is much comedic value in watching black women fall over while praising the lord but i’m also sure the walls would melt the second i walked in there… like seriously… church is scam.

i’m feeling quite frisky today… i’m supposed to go workout with my trainer in a little while but i think my time would be better served… fuck he just texted me… like right this second… ughhhh… this is such a hard decision… i guess i should just go… i need a shower first… i feel dirty… prolly from all the masturbation…

one for the road

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Hurst

CUMMINGTON?   why would anyone ever write this on a wall?

so i’m kinda bored here… i’ve got an hour and half left… normally i would clean everything up and make the store nice but no one would notice or care so fuck them…  instead i’m gonna take pics with my webcam…

i’d like to get more x rated but i am at work and all…..

some dude just brought in like 10 suits for saturday… it is sick that i take great pleasure in knowing it’s gonna piss these bitches here off… i kinda wanna take all the orders in for saturday… HAHAHA

i think i’m gonna friend request everyone named colin donovan because he just came in here and he is SMOKING FUCKING HOT!!! holy shit…

wow…. it’s like 6:54 already…. time sure does fly around here…

Monday, June 27, 2011

It’s Starting To All Make Sense…

i made the most absolutely perfect sauce 2 nights ago… it was soooo yummmy…. there was left overs that i froze i cannot wait to go home and reheat it and eat like waaaay too much pasta with it…

so like… everyday when the mexicans make their lunch in the back it always smells so incredibly good in the store… and everyday i walk back there to see what it is that’s making my nose so fucking happy… why is it ALWAYS a bowl of green or brown mush and beans?  every fucking time… like not fit for consumption looking… disappointing in my opinion….

so last night while grilling some dinner i was enjoying a nice bottle of wine… my nascar watching pot smoking more dogs than square feet neighbor actually chastised me for drinking it straight from the bottle and insisted that i use one of his plastic cups instead… i guess everyone has standards…

so there i was drunk as fuck and taking pictures of myself in all different states of nakedness…

on a side note… i found out that running is actually really good for the abdominal region… and bonus! i actually like running…

anyways… it’s actually kinda busy at work today but i haven’t been doing anything really… i’m saving all the marking for the new girl to do so she can learn… i think nick is here so i’ll have to sort some work soon but there really isn’t much for today…

i think some people are worried about my latest hobby… (wine drinking) but i assure you i’m only doing it to drown out my shitty life problems right now… as soon as i win the lottery and fix everything i’ll give up the temporary alcoholism… haha…

well… it’s approximately 8 hours later from the last paragraph to now… or if your an app reporter 7 hours… i got my jollies by watching the bank across the parking lot get robbed today… i got some pretty good video of that… well… it’s really just a video of the bank and cop cars with some kristina commentary and a little bit of dramatic story telling by krystle… i’m trying to get my phone apart right now to get the memory card out but i’m not doing a very good job of it… lol… broke the fucking case and all… also… sorry for the shitty sound… i think i was too close to the microphone…

well… apparently the 3rd video didn’t feel like uploading… it’s prolly too big… i’ll replace it with something else that’s also little too big… or not…
my sunburned ass… LOLOL  funny!!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

In A Whore House With A Pocket Full Of Hundreds…

you’d think that would make it easy right?  ughh… this day is wickity wickity whack…. and if i was a dude that’s exactly what i’d be doing right now… but alas… i have no penis… and nothing to do all afternoon…. all my friends are in vegas and i’m not… work is dead… don’t really feel like gymming… or going there for a while… i think i was supposed to workout with my trainer today but he hasn’t texted me yet… it’s too fucking hot to workout outside anyway… not really a fan of heat stroke… over time and dating are getting in my way of a good time right now… what to do?  what to dooooo???  shopping?  naah.  unless someone wants to buy me something… or lots of somethings…

bring it back to yesterday night for a hot second… i went to the brick shoprite to get some dinners… i’m walking out to my car and this confused looking guy stopped me to ask me a question… but pretenses it with as long as you’re a friendly and non-violent person…. i’m totally non-violent (unless of course someone gets jelly in the peanut butter or vice versa… that’s just naaaasty).. anyways… talking in a completely fake gay voice he starts telling me that he’s a theater major and needs to earn his way through school… i tuned out most of what he was saying but i do recall him high-fiving me a lot…. like… oh yeah i make videos on youtube… high five…. i have a boyfriend for 7 years…. high five… i wipe my own ass…. high five… what the shit???  anyways… turns out he wanted me to buy magazines… and claims he’s not actually gay… whatevs…

so it’s 3:30… and like seriously… i need my loofa and body wash… i’m too broke to be replacing these things… but then again i waste razors alllll the time… like today… fuck me… seriously.

i just found a flash drive with a video of me stripping on it… lol… if my pussy wasn’t showing i’d post it on here so i was thinking maybe i’ll go home and make a new one… maybe….

some old dude just brought in a shirt from september 18th 2010… and complained that it was pressed poorly… or maybe it was just JAMMED IN YOUR FUCKING CLOSET FOR 9 MONTHS!!!!! asshole…

some girl that used to work here just came in here too… if i recall correctly she got fired for screaming and cursing at a customer… and something about chicken… it’s a fuzzy memory… lol…

for realz we just sat and did nothing for an hour… and now alll these customers are coming in… all wanting stuff… geez… was gonna leave at 4 but i guess not… not that i really have anything better to do…

please leave suggestions for songs to strip to in the comment section!

Monday, May 30, 2011

JATO Is Defintely A Word…

which got me something like 50 points on Words With Friends… even tho it’s apparently an acronym… but whatever mr. nameless opponent… i beat you fair and square with my jet-fuel assisted take off… it would even be fair to say that i blew you away… that was a half-stupid attempted at a pun… i think it’s a pun… i just googled pun… and simile and metaphor… so i’d say it’s a pun… now that i’ve acknowledged you in my blog on this topic can you please stop being a baby and rematch me at Words With Friends so i can undoubtedly light that shit up again (another stupid pun)… cuz ya know if you don’t i’m gonna suggest they change the name to Words With Pussies

moving along… i sometimes wonder why it makes me SO FUCKING HAPPY when i get every dish into the dishwasher… lol… i am dumb…

i went tanning today… i’m trying to decide if i’m getting any darker… so i took some before and after shots…

Before
After
For Funsies
seems like quite the waste of money eh?
anyways… i got new shoes today!!!!
and this is what a tupperware cabinet should look like…
i think that’s enough randomness for one day… words with friends me… anitsirkssecnirp   i will set you on fire.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

That Question Should Burn

“what’s your phone number?”  “08701” “no, your phone number?”  “ooooh you want my phone number” “yes” “do you need the 732 part?” “no” (even tho you already said it) “okay 732-364-2124”  why do people think giving me their zip code would be helpful?  half my customers have 08701 and the other half have 08755… that would make for some pretty terrible order finding…

also… why do people get so mad when i’m trying to put them into the computer… i need to know 3 things… last name, first name and phone number… every mother fucking time the asshole on the other side of the counter says something stupid like… “oh what are we at the bank?”  “oh do you need my blood type too?”  “oh are you writing a book?”  like seriously?? is it unreasonable to ask for name and phone number?  aren’t you leaving your shit here? want me to just throw it up there under another person’s account? fucking retarded idiots just keep your mouth shut…

had a guy this morning bring in 21 shirts all on hangers… buttoned too… stood there and waited while i took each one off the hanger… didn’t even bother to help… then on the last shirt he’s like… “oh i guess that makes it harder for you huh?”

why do people wait til after i’m done writing their order to need it for a special day?

why do old people think it’s okay to fart on the bench?  go outside and fart.

i’m gonna go get lunch now… and then a pedicure…

The Crazies…

are definitely out in full force today… i knew this day was gonna be a strange one when i found myself waiting on customers before i even turned the lights on in the building…

so i’m writing up an order for a customer and alls we hear is this loud bang… and then i see a car moving backwards through the parking lot…

this guy… from lakewood… in attempt to park backwards in the fire zone ran head on into this guy… who was just making a left out of the parking lot…

hehe… this should totally be my job…  oh and bonus!! the guy didn’t have a license!

so right now i’ve been watching entourage and blogging and facebooking and everything else but work… and it sure is piling up… i would take this time to catch up a little bit but i have to make good on a request i got last week that i was unable to do cuz i’m computer retarded…

so everyone knows that over weight washed out beauty queen from 1879 miss liberty… the one that drives the older than dirty cadillac with all the newspaper clipping on it… WELL… one of my favorite customers  in the whole entire world came in last friday and let me know she was in the pizza place… he also showed me this picture…

then dares me to go ask her if she was really at the royal wedding… when she finally came out of the pizza place mr. favorite customers wasn’t quick enough with the video camera but we got this…

i asked her if she really went to the royal wedding and she responded with “yeah but not this one. the one 28 years ago”   that’s some damn fine laminate

jim just called to tell me he needs krystle over there tonight… i just picked up the phone to call him back… hit redial like i normally do… too bad the last number i called was 911… OOPSIES!!!  lol… and apparently they call you back… hahahahaha… funny… not that abusing the emergency system is funny… but it’s kinda funny…

i really need to get to work…

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

one of those blogs filled with complaints and statements of the obvious…

so like… how retarded is it when people say… “it’s always in the last place you look” ??  like duh why would you keep looking for something after you already found it???   i had an experience to that thought process this morning but i’ve found a way to not seem like an idiot… what i was looking for was in the last place it could have possibly been…. i suppose it doesn’t happen often that way but this was very finite.  i had a reversible jacket with four pockets… i was looking for the care label and sure enough it was in pocket number 4 that i looked in… lol…  soooo… figures that it’s in the last place it could possibly be. <—— less stupid.

another thing that seems to always be the case…. why do my smoke alarms always start low battery beeping in the middle of the night?  like why can’t it be at dinner time when i’m not dead asleep and i’m 100% sure nothing is on fire?  that would be too convenient and who doesn’t love a 3am adrenaline rush plus trying to figure out which of the 6 alarms it is… my new solution to this is buy enough batteries so that when one goes i just change them all… even if it is 3am sure beats guessing and getting it wrong.

so i get to work today at 714 am… there’s already 2 customers waiting in the parking lot… i was kinda torn because technically we don’t open til 730 but this one dude was like hovering around outside his car… like just waiting for me to put the open sign up… i’m not sure what i find more annoying now… dude making me feel obligated to open early or people that disregard the closed sign and come in anyway…. hmmmm…. well… both suck but at least when people ignore the sign i can go back to my “still closed” mentality when they leave…

i’m also gonna complain about having to say good morning… like to the customers no problem… i never mind that… i guess i’m fucked up because it REALLY annoyes me to have to say good morning to my coworkers individually everyday…

hurricane nick just came crashing through… 15 pieces of clothing over his shoulder getting nice and wrinked knocking hooks off bars as he puts it up… like why can’t he just use a fucking rolling rack??? like he complains like a 2 year old when i don’t bring the racks to the back of the store but when they are back there doesn’t fucking use them…. like the defiance is intentional… he will go against everything he’s ever said once someone agrees with him just be the one to disagree… ughhhh….

now the shirt girls are complaining too… they actually get mad when the boss wants to know how much they are producing… “always checking and checking and checking” i suppose if they prefer we could do what every other place in the world does and clock in when they start work clock out for lunch clock out for trips to the store.. blah blah blah… no one thinks around here…

the last hour of my life sucked… i would really like to press the reset button on this day…

a lady just sneezed into her hand while holding the pickup ticket… then handed it to me… grossies… lol

people just seem to be at an unreasonable level of mean lately… like their anger does not fit the circumstance…

jeff just called me to let me know that the girl he was dealing with for an hour and half in the sprint store reminded him of me… how sweet right?  she apparently always has to be right and fought him tooth and nail on everything… i said you called me just to insult me?? seriously?  after about another 10 minutes of mindless babble he informs me that i “popped up in his dream” the other night… SUPERRR… i cut that convo right off…

asshole nick comes in here and drops this giant box of used mangled and tangled hangers on the floor and tells me that i have to sort them… cuz you know it’s too much of a crappy job for him to do himself… so after a short argument about it he leaves and i decided to be a spiteful bitch and do this…

no room at lakehurst for the box?? well guess what!!  there’s no room here for 1000 sorted hangers… guess i’ll have to use up the rolling racks… have fun bringing the work in… hahahahhaha…. now don’t get me wrong i know this is gonna lead to another argument but he really should start being nicer to people… fo realz…

well it’s almost 1pm and i haven’t even eaten breakfast yet… i should prolly just wait it out another 25 minutes and get some lunch…

well i was clever enough to remember i left my video camera here…. this is what happened next….

part 1… see next video for the lovely ending
so that’s pretty much how my day goes everyday… no matter what the situation this is how i’m talked to… nice eh?
well… i think that’s gonna be it for now…

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Laundry Day.

are you fucking kidding me??? do you think i’m stupid or something??? perhaps that i cannot read a calendar or every single facebook post there is this morning INCLUDING MINE BY THE FUCKING WAY!!!!!?????  i figured since i’ve BLOCKED you from my facebook and told you not to call or text me which you seem to still do anyway that this chunk of uselessness should be posted on the only place you can still see cuz i don’t know how to block you from it.  LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! YOU DO NOT GET TO BE IN MY LIFE!!!!  so what my mother is crying that’s YOUR fault.  now she’s not gonna get a call at all from me just to SPITE YOU!  REMEMBER WHEN I SAID THE NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO CONTACT ME I WAS GONNA GET A RESTRAINING ORDER??? DON’T FUCKING PUSH ME!!!!!!!
not for nothing i called her on her birthday she didn’t even seem interested in talking to me and i didn’t like the way it made me feel… why should i go out on a limb and sacrifice my own comfort for someone who clearly does not appreciate mine unless it’s a fucking national holiday… it’s sunday may 8th.  my day off and laundry day… i don’t have time for this bullshit.
if you think i don’t appreciate my mother you’re fucking wrong.  my mother means the world to me but i just can’t bring myself to be near her because of the proximity to you. you violated me and i will NEVER EVER let you have the peace of mind of me forgiving you. you don’t deserve it.  you think you can guilt me into by telling me she’s crying??? are you kidding??? it’s 951am i’m barely out of fucking bed yet… a little too quick on the draw there… so now… when it’s 10pm and there’s still no call you can tell her why. way to go.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

WE COULD BE TWINS!!???????

seriously… that’s what i just said to mr. fuck me stare when he pointed out we both were wearing aeropostale shirts… sighhhh….. on top of the stupid remark i said it totally valley girl style… and i couldn’t even bring myself to play the stare fuck game because he was in here with his WIFE!!! total flirting FAIL!  ugh…. he’s so hot… and his wife is kinda hot too… add them to list of customers i’d like to have 3sums with… i never used to get hot couples in the lakehurst store… this is a nice change….

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

May The 4th…

be with you… so in honor of Star Wars Day… i’ve decided to post some of the pictures from when i went to Florida last year and had this crazy ass photo shoot…  all of these are by my photographer Rich Johnson <3

i know most of you have seen the photoshopped one i have on my facebook page but there’s like a ton more than that… not all done up but still pretty sweet…  i’m gonna skip the commentary… these pics are worth waaaay more than a thousand words…

well that’s about it…. i just wanna say… writing this blog and getting allll the pics up took 5 fucking hours so you better like em!  show me some love in the comment section =)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Pimp Ass Ride

Well… this morning while i was driving to work my car broke… the rack and pinion part of rack and pinion steering failed to operate… it took both hands and every ounce of force i could muster up at 7am to turn the wheel… it’s a really good thing i’m one of those people who remember to use the brakes in the car while dealing with other issues…

anywho… took it to STS on route 70… those rat bastards found every fucking thing wrong with the car they could before calling me back… i was like dude… first… i worked in a shop so cut the shit…. second… i’m really only interested in fixing the main issue.  they wanted 1200$… they can eat a dick.

next.  took it to cosmos in bayville… they can fix it for like 500$  i think i will go that route instead.

i will be taking donations in the form of money or gift cards to the

FIX KRISTINA’S CADDY FUND
PO BOX 652
TOMS RIVER, NJ 08754

in exchange for whatever you wanna see on my blog… =)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Change of Format

so far this day is far to weird for status updates… as i already wrote on fb the guy marcus who i would imagine works in this plaza somewhere… i suppose i’m gonna have to find someone to walk me to my car from now on… hiring will begin for that immediately… this is not a paid position.

“inner dark tractor beam of lust and filth”  would be my favorite thing someone said to me so far today…. or maybe it was hot garbage guy referring to himself as awesome… no no… maybe it’s this complete stranger who is trying to fuck me even tho there is zero chance that’s ever gonna happen…

i should really stop being surprised by these things but just when i think i’ve heard it all someone else follows up with something even more fucked up than the last…

holy crap it’s 1130 already… must be busy today…  why do people come in here to ask me what time the pizza place opens at? this is a dry cleaners… i don’t make pizza… perhaps maybe i’m gonna start going into random stores and ask the people there random questions about other businesses…

“are you paying now?” “yes” “3 dollars and 60 cents” “how much do you charge for that?” “3 dollars and 60 cents” “oh”

just so everyone knows… “get my dick wet” sounds gross… and grossly 1 sided… not something you would ever want to say to a girl and expect to get laid.   and if it works for you… you’re not fucking quality pussy.

i think i might be done for the day…  thanks Anthony for getting my video camera to work =) you’re so good you should be asian… and sometimes black.

Half Day

isn’t it just lovely that’s i’ve been at work more hours this week than the store is actually open for… i’m soooo fucking tired… i also have no respect left for anyone… everyone is fucking lazy asshole… i would love to meet a person who is capable of putting in as much effort as i do on a daily basis… funny thing is… i’m not even mad right now… i’m too fucking exhausted for my body to produce anger… haha…

anyways… i’m still horny from yesterday so i think after about an hour of laying comatose on the couch i’m gonna ask myself out on a date… that kristina is such a slut… she totally puts out… haha… i need sleep. or drugs.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I Am Soooo Fucking

HORNY!!!!!

 everything is turning me on today… starting with this customer that came in this morning… i swear we like eye fucked each other… like… didn’t stop staring at each other the entire time he was in here… sexy as hell… yesterday mr. berner… mmmmm i’m starting to reallly realllly hope he’s not gay… alls i can think about is him walking up to the store stripping his shirt off wind blowing his hairs around and then it starts raining… HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA… back to the dude from this morning.. he’s a state trooper so i looked him up on data universe to see his first name… then i tried to find him on facebook with no success… =(….

i want some like the scene i just watched on Weeds… come in… close all the blinds and TAKE your way with me on a cheese slicing table…haha… you’re prolly not wearing anything but a track suit no shirt no undies… sweaty from your recent jog….

wow… now that my mind is completely out of the gutter and into the toilet thanks to Krystle here… eeeewwww…. i guess i should get back to work….

Friday, March 25, 2011

Cloudy With A Chance Of MEATBALLS!!!!!!

so i know it’s been a while since the last time i’ve blogged… butttt i’m back and there is a lot to cover… so enjoy the ride…

went to Atlantic City for 2 nights a few weeks ago… had a nice massage and encountered some of the weirdest people… i beat this loud mouth mother fucker at the poker table with a 10-6 off suit… we both had a straight but i had the higher one… then i made some dude buy my dinner… i got prime rib… then embarrassed him by asking the waiter for Valtrax… haha…

so after the elevator told me that it was experience minor technical difficulties i decided to take the stairs… now… this confused me a little bit seeing as roofs are usually on the top of building and not the bottom… also… “exit discharge” is actually NOT the ground floor and in case of fire everyone would be FUCKED because this stair case outlet to a hall way with NO signs and four directions to pick from…
this happened to be 2 days after mr. asshole tailor at my cleaners job told me that “jesus loves you and i love you” …. why did i ever agree to come back to this hell???
AMAZING!!! get some… and get the baby back ribs ones too… i don’t really understand those one tho because they are Parve… but pork flavored… lol… delicious!
LOVE this outfit… too bad the undies left allll these little specks on my girl parts that glowed in the black lights… looked like i had a damn disease or something… ahhh well…
A little bit blurry but my boobies look pretty good…
this is a shirt that i wear as a dress… too much flash… but whatever..
at the gym… and why the fuck do my pictures keep having these weird bars on them????
this person must like cabot cheese more than i do… mmmmm cheeseeeee
went to the teacher/cop basketball game with krystle… woulda been way more fun if all their wives and childrens weren’t there…
so… now i’m back at the cleaners on the regular… superfuckingawesome… not really….
when you get the chance… watch Archer… it’s the shit.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Don’t Wear Shirts With Your Name On It

cuz then some crazy stripper might try to facebook you….

i’m finding myself meeting the most interesting people in the strip club lately… this dude i danced for tonight… totally awesome and he sells hot dogs on a corner in the city…  I LOVE HOT DOGS!!!!! i cracked my swipe card in half then told everyone i broke it on his giant cock… lol… i would totally make the best wingman ever… need pussy? come to me… i’ll get you laid. haha…. for a fee of course….  pussy broker… ha

anywho… after yet another interesting convo… i will be waiting til july for the iphone 5 to come out… unless of course my piece of shit phones break before that…

so these 3 dudes come in and sit in the back of the club… like pretty much as far away from the stage as possible… they claimed to be male strippers… they looked like something off an episode of the jersey shore… retard edition… they absolutely REFUSED to spend a single dollar on any of the girls there because 90% of the women that watch them dance don’t tip… BULL SHIT!!!  i’ve been to male reviews… women spend waaaaaaay more money then men do… so after making them feel like shit for a few hours i informed them that perhaps they should get in before 9 next time when there is no cover… this way they don’t have to spend any money at all…. cheap….

i’m fucking tired… but i also smell like cigarettes…. but i don’t feel like washing my hairs… but i prolly should… blah blah blah… i’ll just pay someone to do it for me tomorrow… lazzzzyyyyy…. lol

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Gimme A Break… Gimme A Break…

how dare you call someone a piece of trash!!  you are a stupid smothering cunty bitch with boundary issues… OMFG  grow up!!! your fiance used to FUCK everything he could before he met you!  EVERYONE has seen his giant fucking cock… i’m pretty sure i have a picture of it… perhaps i’ll post that…. and please tell me when did I (me personally ) EVER EVER say anything to you??? uh how about NEVER!!! was my christmas present offensive???? cunt. i hope you choke on your wedding cake and get your period on your honeymoon.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Naked At Work This Week

I might go in tonight (monday) the money is never good but i’m just sooooo bored….
Wednesday 7-2
Thursday 7-2
Sunday 7-2i’m supposed to be working at the cleaners on Saturday but i’m not 100% sure of that yet…. so much fucking drama there… it’s actually worse than a strip club with 15 girls all on their periods at once…

i was planning on sleeping in the morning but that got ruined around 6:22 am when the incoherent screams of my neighbor woke me up… little fucker actually hit a cop… well, according to my other more nosy neighbor… why can’t this shit happen in the middle of the day… or maybe even when i get my video camera… (still need one of those… 4 people have said they were gonna buy it for me but so far NOPE)

if anyone is still ACTUALLY serious about buying me a camera… you can just mail me a gift card to best buy… i’ll give you the address upon request… keep in mind this site supports video blogginggggg  =)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

“Lost My Underwear But The Cops Found Them” or “BUT IT WAS A DYSON”

last night = crazy

but waaaay much fun…

i’m trying to figure out the percentage of manchester cops that have seen me naked… lol… funny. i think i officially do not have enough fingers to figure it out… yay me!

anyways… thank you so much for find my missing underwear… i lose them allll the time but never like that…

there was this dude at the stage last night named Doug.  (i think)  over the course of a 20 minute stage set and 2 lap dances we got married had 8 kids broke up got back together he complained i didn’t love his 9 kids from a previous marriage i called him a douche he called me a bitch and then i hated him for buying me a vacuum cleaner for christmas… it was… without exception the funniest convo i’ve ever engaged in while being naked… ever.   i introduced him to the bouncer as my ex new husband and as he’s exiting the lap dance area he screams… BUT IT WAS A DYSON!!!! in response to my disgust with my christmas gift… WHAT THE FUCK right?????

anyways… it’s 844pm on thursday… i’m fucking bored… i made some chicken legs… i’m going back to my original theory on chicken:  it’s gross.

i could really use something to do right now…

Life Altering….

so… it’s been 10 days since i left the cleaners to dance for a little while… yesterday i noticed how clear my mind has been and how i’ve been feeling so much better physically… no stomach aches… no headaches… sleeping better… all that stuff…

this morning… as per my deal with jim…. i went to tri city to do the billing for the shirts and check the money from last week… also to drop off my cleaning… i go to use the computer and my number didn’t work… i asked wil if he deleted my number from the computer and he said NO.  he said that Jimmy must have done it on saturday… he said he noticed that it was missing… i knew he was lying right to my face… 1. Jimmy’s authorization level doesn’t even allow him into the menu necessary for that and 2.  he wouldn’t of just done it on his own.  So i called him and asked him if he knew anything about it and of course he didn’t…

what REALLY pisses me off about this isn’t even the fact that he lied to my face… how about the fact that there are people’s numbers in that computer from the beginning of time… those never got deleted… so fucking quick to take your reign back wil… your ego got quickly deflated when Jim told you i’d be back in a few weeks eh?  think you can just fuck with me like that???? i don’t think so… you forget that i’m not a fucking retard like ever other person that’s worked there…

so i do the shirt bills write up and tag my dry cleaning… then i ask for the money envelopes from last week… he says… Jim didn’t tell me to give them to you… DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED PERMISSION TO DO WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING…. called jim again… such fucking childish bullshit…

anyways… my point to all this is… that place makes me SICK… physically and mentally ILL… not sure i want to go back to that…

i told jim… if my future includes me working for you… shit’s gotta change…

Saturday, February 19, 2011

This Week At The Strip Club

I will be working tonight… saturday 2/19/11  7pm to 4am

tuesday 2/22/11 by request… lol   7pm to 2am

wednesday 2/23/11 7pm to 2am

possibly thursday if i’m not dead

saturday 2/26/11 7pm to 4am

Thursday, February 17, 2011

How Much For A Blow Job???

are you fucking kidding me? lol… the stripping industry has definitely changed… i’ve been back 3 nights now and i cannot even begin to believe how guys actually think they’re gonna get more than just a dance from me… saturday night i had a guy kicked out because he whipped his junk out right in the middle of the lap dance room… seriously? 20 fucking dollars and you think i’m gonna do what?  yeah no.  monday night just sucked because there were no customers… but last night… this asshole reallllllly takes the cake…

he walks in the door a little after midnight and i was on stage… i see that he’s giving the door girl a hard time about something and she goes to get the manager… apparently he flashed her a badge and said “waive the fee”  what a dick… i get off stage and avoid this dude like the plague… a little while goes by and he’s sitting at the stage with his feet up on a chair… who does that??? so i went over to him and sat down… he puts his hand on my thigh rubs it up and down and THEN asks is he can touch me there… i called him out on how it’s not cool to do what you want then ask… this made him instantly attracted to me for some odd odd reason… so i ended the convo as quickly as possible and went to sit with a regular customer all the way across the club… i was talking to “regular customer” (who also happens to be a customer at the cleaners and insists on talking about wil EVERY FUCKING TIME WE’RE IN THE LAP DANCE ROOM) a few minutes goes by and the asshole from the stage walks all the way over to me interrupts our convo and all smug says “i see that you’re cheating on me” and walks away… what a fucking jerkoff… in 8 years i’ve never experience a dude who is so full of himself that he would find this acceptable behavior… at this point i decided that i would not be giving him a lapdance…

30 minutes goes by and i go on stage again… i danced for almost everyone sitting at the stage and i made my way over to asshole… he does that thing where he takes his money out of his pocket and goes through it real slow all the 20s 10s 5s… got me thinking he’s gonna give me a good tip… gives me a fucking dollar… cheap asshole… i moved over to the guys next to him and as i’m right in the middle of a performance asshole interrups me AGAIN!  asks me if my boobs are real…. well they ain’t fucking imaginary… i HATE assholes…

got off stage did a few dances and the only guy left to ask was asshole… i walked up to him and told him i’d ask him for a dance but i wasn’t sure he’d behave himself… he agreed.  said i was to beautiful and blah blah blah… now don’t get my wrong i love love LOVE hearing that but for some reason this guy just couldn’t give a compliment without sounding like an…. asshole…. at the end of the night i took him in the back anyway…

he sits in the back corner of the room so he can “see everything going on in the room”  i get on top of him and the first words out of his mouth in a room full of people and not even at a whisper are “how much for a blow job?”  ughhhhhhhh……… “we don’t do that here” i say to him… “well what are you doing for the next few hours?”  hahahahhahahahhahaha…. i hate when dances go that route cuz instead of the guy enjoying it it’s like a 4 minute argument… “i’m going home and going to bed” i said… i was so fucking happy when that was over with… but at least i got his money…

and now a little reward for sitting through my stripper rant….

boobies!!! lol

Saturday, February 12, 2011

At 6:01PM On February 11, 2011

841-0609: Your an asshole .

Me: What you actually meant to say is… YOU’RE an asshole…

841-0609: You dont even know who i am so dont even go there with me !

Me: No shit I don’t know you… but i do know bad grammar…

841-0609: Oh wow u think your cool…

Me: Wrong you’re again… you don’t learn do you?

841-0609: Um excuse me you make no sense.

Me: If you’re gonna insult me at least do it with the proper form of the words… just sayin… you said “you think your cool”. That is incorrect. It should say… You think you’re cool?

841-0609: Okay honeslty… its called txting your not supposed to use “proper” wording kay? and you dont even know who this is

Me: I don’t care who this is… how ya like them apples?

841-0609: There great up ya butt

Me: THEY’RE great up my butt!! Geez… go back to school…

841-0609: Umm how about you go back to school because no one that texts uses proper grammar !

Me: Cuz they are too stupid and lazy… full keyboard = proper grammar.

841-0609: Not really honestly i know alot of ppl that use proper grammar… but for school

Me: Oh perfect… brain cells are only necessary to pass through school but not for use after… pathetic.

841-0609: Okay who the hell are you… you don’t act like this in school

Me: I don’t go to school. Perhaps u have the wrong asshole

841-0609: Actually you do.  And trust me i have the right asshole

Me: I’m definitely NOT in school… I’m not 17

841-0609: Okay im really sorry but im texting thhe wrong person i feel really bad ! Sorry about that i copied the number down wrong

Me: Lol… riiiight…. well… have a good night! Hope you find ur actual asshole. =)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

“Work. Work Out. Work It.” or “Quit Your Shitty Cheese Job”

so i quit my job… last day = friday…. i made this official yesterday… my boss was like super pissed at me but as it turns out i think he was actually sad…. or something not anger… kinda makes sense tho seeing as this would be the longest relationship i’ve ever been in in my life… i guess it doesn’t really matter in what capacity it still does hurt a bit…

moving along… i’m gonna start working at delilah’s again… i need to get my life in order and i need money for that.  i’m tired of being dependent… i used to pay my own bills and support myself and i’ve lost all that somewheres along the way…  and of course the fact that i always loved being naked on stage.  since i’ve left they gave away my dancer name… (this was actually only a few weeks ago)  i’m undecided if i should pull rank and take it back or just change it all together… i guess i have a few days to figure it out…

alrighty… i’m fucking bored…. these are the times i’m happy to be getting outta here… my boss is moving through the stages of grieving quite quickly… now we’re on to depression… he called me all like… i really wish you didn’t have to leave… are you gonna be okay…. i find it interesting that my initial thought this morning was dead on… not that it makes me happy…

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Not A Status Update Type Of Day

and it only took me an hour to realize that everyone is an asshole today….

it’s lovely that the people at ezpass credited $311.00 worth of violations to my account with 52 dollars in it even tho they said they would only do the older 30$ worth… how fucking nice is that… and now they have to “review the tape” to find out which retard to blame… i’m gonna drive to newark and choke them the fuck out…

mr katz just came in… asked me if the zipper on my sweatshirt was broken…. IN THE UP POSITION!!! even tho it’s 12 fucking degrees out he feels my boobs should be on display for his (and all the other jews from lakewoods) viewing pleasure…. but what he will never know is that i’m totally wearing a titty shirt today!

anyways… i had the weirdest dreams last night… but then again i always do after our once in a blue moon convos…. same time same place doll.

ezpass just called me back… funny how the “supervisor” is indian and the customer service guy is american… she says… the request was put in properly but the person who did it did it wrong and there is nothing we can do about it now. then she asks me if i’d like to make a payment since my account is in negative status… *****RAGE*****  are you fucking kidding me?????????  ma’am, there is nothing i can do at this point please do not go through the ezpass lanes until you pay off the balance… YA FUCKING THINK?????  then she tells me “thank you for calling” … i reminded her that she called me.

ah yes… i love love LOVE it when my work comes back smelling like cigarettes…. ughhhhhhhh………

english muffin time… i’m gonna say…. 4 customers come in during the process….

“this outfit that’s been hanging in my jammed up closet for 2 months wasn’t pressed correctly”   haha…  oh wait she’s back for her hanger…. “i need my hanger because they won’t even have it on the same one”  how do you really expect us to keep track of YOUR hanger amongst alllllll of the hangers in a cleaners????? it’s a fucking hanger…. wow…

Tossed Aside Like A Bowl Of Coleslaw In A Diner…

that’s how i feel….

All These Episodes Of “Lie To Me” And I’ve Become Quite The Deception Expert

Mrs. FuckingRubens  YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN JUST COME IN HERE AND LIE TO MY FACE?  Lucky for you you sent your husband in here and i’m not gonna argue with an old man… you wore this fucking jacket you dirty bitch… you did pick one up yesterday but it sure as hell wasn’t this one…

where’s the green tag that’s supposed to be on there from when we cleaned it?  why is it covered in pet hair?  why is it on the wrong fucking hanger?  why are there fresh stains all down the front?  why can’t your dumb ass husband look me in the eye when he says “we didn’t clean it”

what the fuck is wrong with people?  do they really REALLY think that we take the clothes you bring in and just put them on the rack and give them back without cleaning them???  to make a statement like that just shows your ignorance… but Mrs and Mr. Rubens… this time you are right we absolutely did NOT clean THIS jacket…   cheap ass mother fucking jewey jews wanting shit for free….

moving along…. wil says to me… “i don’t curse” after about 10 f words came out of my mouth… to which i reply… “and i don’t believe in god… now we have 2 things NOT in common”  like just because you don’t choose to do something doesn’t mean i can’t… you don’t eat red meat? i’m having meatballs for dinner… guys pee standing up… should girls start doing that too?  since when does a compilation of letters that form a specific sound hurt anyone?

some guy just said this to me…

hola buenos dias
que bonito pelo
and i know what it means!!!!  yay meeeee!!! i’m gonna learn this spanish thing eventually..
i’m really starting to feel like everyone’s punching bag lately… so if you wanna beat me up for something that someone else did to you kindly let me know BEFORE you do something fucked up to me… this way i don’t have to be insecure… i’m actually a great listener and offerer of unsolicited advice if you wanted to go that route instead.
there is a woman in front of my store right now waiting for tailoring… she just asked me if wil was the owner… i said no… she said should i tip him or something?  is she expecting this for free?  i know it’s just a clasp but he is doing it RIGHT THIS SECOND for you and it does cost him time and money to sew it on… how do i answer this??? people are so so weird today… before she made that stupid statement she was telling me how it’s foggier on the side roads than on the main roads…how the fuck does that make sense?  if someone could kindly find the science behind that and send it this way it would be appreciated.
so this morning nick gave me a soaking wet box of staples… so to prevent them from becoming a box of rusted staples i laid them out on the counter to dry…
great way to waste some time…
a guy just came in here and told me that i forgot to give him his sweater… he was in here 20 minutes ago and i told him he was too early to pick up his sweater… he said oh i forgot you told me that… and then he got in his car and drove away… i hope he didn’t forgot how to drive….
so i go to the pizza place to get some lunch… i asked the girl if they could make a blt… she says no… like… they have sammich bread… they have bacon and they have lettuce… maybe i should order a turkey club with no turkey and no cheese… hmmmmmm
it absolutely annoys me when people arrive to work exactly on time… i guess because they leave no room for error… at all… even worse than people who arrive exactly on time are people who think it’s okay for their dad to be the one who lets their coworker know they are coming in at 130 in stead of 1…. like seriously… this is your job… shouldn’t you feel obligated to make a phone call?  is daddy gonna call you out of the police department too?
i need to get the fuck outta here…
this is the camera i want!

http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Sony+-+Handycam+Digital+Camcorder+with+80GB+Hard+Disk+Drive+and+2.7%22+LCD+Monitor+-+Red/9770897.p?id=1218170523561&skuId=9770897

Monday, January 31, 2011

Donations!

so… my video camera broke… =(
this means i cannot make cool ass videos for your viewing pleasure…
i’m also broke
which means i cannot afford to buy a new oneso i’ll be taking donations to the Kristina Needs A New Camera Fund…. anyone who wants to buy me one will get 95% say in what i video (within reason of course)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

This Customer Just Topped Any Story I’ve EVER Told

so i read on someones facebook status that they wanted to maybe do a girls night out… and i thought about it for a minute and was like i wonder if this is gonna be one of those girls nights where boys are invited…. it kinda annoys me when i show up for a girls night and other people brought guys… at least warn me so i can maybe like bring one or something… anyways…

i was telling jimmy about this thought as a customer walked in and asked us what was so funny… so i asked him if his friends ever got together for a guys night and had girls show up.

the man then starts telling us this story about how he ended up in a gay bar with a giant question mark on the building and it was called “wonder bar”  he said he didn’t realize it was a gay bar at first because there were women there… TRANY WOMEN!!!  hahahahahhahaha  but wait!  then the guy tried to kiss him he tells me… and he ended up going home with a woman that wasn’t a woman at the end of the night… lol….

he seemed unusually proud to tell this story too… lol…

Saturday, January 22, 2011

It’s Gonna Snow On Tuesday…. Anyone Wanna Plow Me… Out?

lol….

anyways… this morning i find myself disgusted with people who use connections to get things they might not otherwise deserve or qualify for.  especially in government positions…  private business, i don’t really care but things that tax payers contribute to should be completely fair game to all applicants.  like why bother with formality if none of it matters?  200 people show up for a test. half pass but only a few are gonna get a job… and not based on merit but based on who they know.  bullshit.
what about publicly traded companies?  so you invest your money into a stock with a company that’s being ran by someone who’s not qualified to be there because their daddy got them in?  hmmmm???  maybe i’ll blame the demise of this economy on nepotism.

i guess this pisses me off so much because anything i’ve ever gotten in life has been something i earned myself.

moving along.  i’ve been at work about an hour and half now… 2 customers… boring ass day… jimmy will be in at 11 and i’m really hoping to be outta here by like 12 or 1…

“that was painless”  says one of my customers…  “sometimes it’s tough… when you’re not here”  lol

jimmy is in… he’s been with the same customer for 7 minutes now… from 1047 to 1058 i had 7 customers… all at once… it was nice…

nick just walked up from with a wawa cup of gasoline… trying to get me to guess how much it costs… it smells so bad in here right now… he also swirled it around and got some on a pair of pants… to which he denies….

so… like an hour has gone by… almost… i wanna leave…

Class Reunion

it’s been 10 years and i’m just not going.  why the hell do i need to spend money to see people that i know every fucking thing about down to when they take a shit because it’s posted on facebook?  yeah… as for the people that i’m not friends with on facebook or the people who UNFRIENDED me (i know who you alllll are and when i become famous i will embarrass you for your closed mindedness) i don’t really wanna see them anyway.  seriously.

after a conversation with a high school classmate that i have not seen or talked to in 10 years i’ve been able to compile a list of why people would not want to be my friend or choose to unfriend me.

my off color humor
or perhaps the constant nudity that comes with my blog
they think they’re better than me
jealousy
they just don’t understand a good time
or
they do understand a good time but they are too insecure to admit they like it for fear of being exiled from their family
my matter-of-fact attitude
my blatant disregard for social norms
my ability to see and state the obvious with such disdain while keeping a straight face
i used to be a stripper in the town i live in and i’m proud of it
i love anything that has to do with sex
there is no filter between my brain and mouth
i curse A LOT
all of your boyfriends/husbands would fuck me if given the chance…
that should be enough reason for now….moving along.
what would we talk about?
the effect of time on the human body… why should i be forced to say that you look good?  you prolly don’t… your ever so demanding parenting schedule mixed with work and keeping the house nice has made you neglect your appearance for years now… not meeee…. got my tits done and i workout in the gym like a motherfucker… but no one wants to hear about that.  disease? yeah i’m good on that front as well and i don’t want to have to muster up some fake concern about how you’re not healthy.
i didn’t graduate from college because i think it’s just a complete waste of money. don’t really care if you did or not because i’m still smarter than most. (notice i didn’t say all… i accept the fact that people might possess a higher level of intelligence than me but when it comes down to it my endurance and resourcefulness will get me through better than anyone with a degree.)
i love my shitty dry cleaners job and i’m good at it and while you might say “oh that’s great” to my face i know you really think i’m selling myself short.  don’t really care what you think
i don’t have kids and i don’t want them.  i also don’t want to hear about how having kids changed your life and one day i will want them. i assure you the world does not need an offspring of mine in it.  beyond that… why would i subject said offspring to this train wreck of a world?
politics?  i have my opinions about that which will remain between me and the voting booth.
religion… ahhh…. yeah… i don’t believe in that either…  anything that i encounter in this world is a direct result of what i put into this world… the only person in charge of my destiny is me…
so now that you’re so annoyed with me already… enter your significant other… if you’re a man she’s gonna hate that you’re talking to me… (she’s prolly seen my blog)  if you’re a woman you will make some excuse to leave the convo because i’m gonna look smokin’ hot in whatever slutty outfit i decide to wear that night.
i know this sounds pretty cynical but let’s face it… i’m not one to sugar coat a clearly obvious series of potential events…. i also don’t like cat fights or jail (i’ve never been in either and i’d like to keep it that way)
so… this all being said… who the fuck would want me at this reunion (and admit to it) anyway?  lol

Your Gun Is Digging Into My Hip….

So… even tho it’s about 8 days into the new year and i don’t really believe in resolutions… i’ve decided to try to be a little more tolerant of people… since i’m so bored all the time i figure this will be the challenge that my brain needs but not time consuming at all… i’m also going to find a way to get through to people that might not always respond to my harsh matter-of-fact nature.

sometimes i think i’m just way too rational and logical…

on to more interesting thing… i just got another marriage proposal… lol… these are coming often lately…

i’ve been at work a little over an hour now and i’m already sick of hearing about the snow… why can’t people find something else to talk about when they come in my store… snowtalk should be completely off limits…

anyways…. this fucking snow is ruining my day… i’m so fucking bored right now… 7 hours and 9 minutes to go… well at the most… i’m really hoping jimmy took me seriously when i told him he has to close the store tonight… i wanna get outta here by 3 but something tells me that’s not gonna happen…

in other news…. i broke my fucking vibrator… soooo not cool… i need to get to the mall to get another one… had to put way too much effort into getting off last night… it almost wasn’t worth it…

6 hours and 49 minutes at the most to go… got a few customers… all pick ups tho…. one of the crazies from the dover woods place was just in here for a while… no little bottle of liquor this time… he called me beautiful… then said wil’s tailoring is how he impresses his girlfriend… more than his money… ooooh boy….

so there actually is some accumulation of snow in the parking lot right now… i can’t wait to watch people slide into each other…  hopefully the sun will come out and melt it alllllll away… but i’m just not that lucky… back to ace ventura…

just talked to my boss… i get to leave when jimmy gets back!!  well after i’m done with all the work he’s gonna bring with him… but whatever… that’s better than 5!

Finkle and Einhorn Einhorn and Finkle… lol…

so i guess a few hours has gone by… that’s cool… still not exactly sure what time i’m getting out of here… gotta get some lunch… hmmmmm…..

kids size chicken fingers and french fries… no wonder kids are so fat…. i couldn’t even eat half of it…

holy crap they are actually cleaning the parking lot… i’m in shock… i wish i knew were my ice scrapper was… prolly in my garage…a lot of good it does me there…

well… it’s 2:51 and i’m still here… and jimmy isn’t back yet… and the store is closing at 4… what really is the point in him coming in at all?

done.

Carbon Footprint

yours is just too fucking big.
and if you don’t do something about it soon your entire life is gonna be filled with disappointment… perhaps you should use that little tidbit i wrote about you TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO to motivate you to CHANGE… just sayin….

In addition… your mom broke my mixer… prolly baking you a cake or two.

Help Wanted

i’m looking to hire someone to put lotion on my entire body… at least once a day… i hate the way it feels on my hands but my skin is sooo dry and could really use some moisture…

this job pays in the ability to see and touch my naked body in a non-sexual way….

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Twinkie Defense

1.  fat is not a handicap
2.  lazy is not a disease
3.  addiction is a choicethat is all.

Friday, December 31, 2010

“Old Habits Die Hard (but sometimes not at all)” or “You’re Like A Herpe With The Way You Keep Popping Up”

before we get into the actual blog… i’m sitting at work right now looking through nude pics on my laptop while Wil and his friend are discussing their evolving relationships with God or god… whichever offends you less i suppose… LOL

back to business…

the same night Danielle painted me like a life size much skinner version of my BIGGEST enemy, Melissa the Fat COW bitch… we also did this too… it didn’t take us as long as we thought it would and we didn’t even need all the Skittles i bought… (there is still an entire unopened bag if anyone would like to take them off my hands)

i’ll also sell the ones that were glued to my body with cake icing for a large amount of money… jusssstttt kidding!!! we tossed those out….

 first the skittles had to be sorted…
 then the icing had to be painted on…
 then stop and smile for the camera…
 finished product!
 taste the rainbow and junk!
 don’t forget the pot of gold!!
 different positions are always fun!
 missed a spot!  oops!  lol
 well… time to get up but i don’t wanna stain my blanket… or touch the freezing cold kitchen floor!!  burrr
obligatory raunchy spread wide open shot… but i don’t do raunchy…
so that was a fun fun time… it wasn’t even that hard to clean off!
<3 you

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Let’s Face It…. I Am NOT A Mature Individual… At All.

and I have this giant ego…. and when weird things happen to me it takes days… even WEEKS…. for me to process the situation and understand why that could ever ever possibly be… even with a valid explanation i still just don’t get it… NO FUCKING CLUE….

what’s more important than this??
NOTHING!!!!!!

what the fucking fuck?

seriously… i just apologized to someone for them upsetting me…

lets start out with why this is just so fucked up…

1 and most important… i’m not sorry for anything…. ever.
2 my feelings were the ones hurt
3 i don’t even really fucking care that much…

even tho it may seem like i’m giving a fuck right now about the actual hurt feelings situation by blogging about it i’m not… what concerns me here is that someone… was able to get me to feel bad for how i was feeling… i’m disgusted with myself… i’m gonna go spit on my reflection in the mirror now…

Antics… by request of course…

so this was really fun… it took Danielle FOREVER to paint me… and it was SOOOOO cold… i figured paint and felt would be much easier to find than a cow suit… cheaper too!!!

LOL  I look silly!  also… it’s a really terrible idea to stick felt to your body with lint roller sheets… OUCH!  lol…

What A Difference…

a few hours make… =/

Now I See Why…

because you were wasting all your time trying to figure out what to write on this ticket….

so… i wrote this ticket for 4 pants rather than 4 sweaters…. this happens very very rarely…. but apparently since i picked on my coworker for his insurmountable number of mistakes he makes on the regular… for example… NOT KNOWING WHAT DOWN FEATHERS ARE…. or maybe NOT KNOWING WHAT A LAPEL IS…. or maybe TELLING A CUSTOMER A GIANT DRAPE COSTS 3 DOLLARS TO DRY CLEAN AND PRESS… PANTS COST MORE!!!! WHAT THE FUCKKKKK???   Wil defends this by saying not everyone knows what these things are… i say… if you walk into McDonalds and ask for a Big Mac and the girl behind the counter looks at you deer-in-a-headlights style then she opens herself up for whatever verbal bashing her coworkers can give her… same rule applies to any job you’ve worked at for more than 3 weeks… or 3 FUCKING YEARS AND YOUR FAMILY HAS BEEN IT IN LONGER THAN YOU’VE BEEN ALIVE….

so since i had some time to kill this morning… like every morning… i decided it would be fun to respond like this…

the order was complete with all 7 pieces the colors matched and the tags matched…  it was clearly done out of spite… so i was spiteful back…

one of my biggest annoyances is when an order that came in at 6:16pm is left not marked… i don’t care how busy the store is…. we close at 7 but that doesn’t mean the closing shift person must leave at exactly 7pm… especially given the fact it’s that persons family business… but i know the real reason this order wasn’t tagged… it smells like dirty jew… so that was intentionally left for me… **news flash**  in the dry cleaning business sometimes bad smelling things are going to be encountered…

ahhh pile of hangers left on the floor… super awesome… would it really be that much trouble to hang them in the back???

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! it looks sloppy…

so the washing machine broke at lakehurst and we had to do some laundry here… last week when a customer brought in a pair of pants that had fallen in a puddle i told him to hang them up…. he did it like this… i explained how they will never dry folded over a hanger and showed him the proper way of doing it… clearly that lesson stuck… these were hung to dry 14 hours ago and they are still wet… can’t imagine why…

this order wasn’t even taken out of the computer… but the pants were gone…. must be the pick-up fairy and her antics…

garbage… everywhere…. inside that paper towel i later found forks with sauce on them… yum!

counting… rocket science… clearly… also… why is it that there are never any ten dollar bills left in the drawer??? that would be too much of a thought process eh?

chopping off half the number in a system that uses numbers is exactly how i like to do things… anything to make it harder right???

totally where these belong….

well that was it for this morning… glad i had this to do cuz this place is fucking boring… lol

Boys and Their Photoshop….

normally i’d be against posting nude pics of myself on the interwebs… but this may just be the exception…
not that it REALLY matters seeing as my nekked parts will be on display in a art gallery this weekend…i can be one of those chain text messages!!! yay!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Cracking Skullz

So… my boss shows up here this morning… he is SCREAMING HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF AT THE MEXICANS… i didn’t think it was gonna be this bad… there were two Wednesday orders that came in on Saturday morning that were not done yesterday…  Carmen says that Nick said they were for tomorrow but the tickets clearly say Wednesday… pretty sure if he keeps up at this rate he’s gonna blow an artery…

A lady comes in with a suit and shirt and says “can you clean this a little?”   maybe i’ll just put half of it in the machine…

Still screaming… found 2 more Wednesday orders that weren’t done… he just showed me his extra blood pressure pills…

Finally gone…. it’s much quieter now… store is pretty slow today… except of course for the guy who just came in asked for his stuff to be done tomorrow… lol  oh and the 15 cents dude actually came in with 15 cents… i’m in shock… perhaps this day won’t actually be that bad.

I brought my video camera to work to put together the latest collection of ridiculousness but since this is windows 7 and my camera is old i do not have the proper drivers and this project will have to wait til i get home later…

My doctor finally called me with my blood test results… this actually happened yesterday but i think i just needed some time to mentally process what’s wrong with me… she said i have epstein barr…(of course i’d have a disease named after a jew) which causes swollen lymph nodes and fatigue… and there is no cure or anything to even make it go away faster… then she says that 98% of the world has it and tells me to take a nap.  i suppose since she was so nonchalant about it i prolly shouldn’t be all worried…. me not worried… riiiiiight…. i googled for hours last night… according to wikipedia it’s a cancer causing version of mono hv4… it can last 4 to 6 weeks… so what have i learned?… i’m gonna die so i should spend my time napping… this is just great.   okay maybe that’s a little bit dramatic but isn’t that what blogging is for?

 Pretty little disease eh?
someone told me the other day that backing a pick-up truck into a parking spot is easier than pulling in forward… can someone tell me why this dude felt the need?

A Spanish speaking customer just came in the store and heard Carman talking in the back…. he says “oh boy”  i asked him what she was saying… he said she was yelling at the other girls about how they aren’t doing it right… lol  then he asks for his shirts on saturday instead of monday… the guy directly after him did the same thing… then asks me if i need to change the day on his copy… why would i need to do that?  he’s taking it with him what that piece of paper says has no bearing on what actually happens… people are dumb

Mrs. Pantaleo just came in… last week i told her we prolly shouldn’t launder her blouses with fancy buttons because they will break off on the shirt machine… she insisted…. this week… same thing… except she adds “they never break off”  guess she hasn’t looked at the blouse from last week yet because every single button on that one shattered into a million pieces… i made her sign the ticket this time around…

a guy came in here with a giant bag and told me he was gonna make a huge dump on my counter…  i’ll never grow up… lol

fire zone assssssholeeeee…..

it’s club shirt laundry in the back today… damnnnnn she’s a sexy bitch….. haha

this day is so incredibly boring right now…

so my boss just sent this military dude all the way down here to get patches sewn on for monday… there is absolutely no reason in the world why they couldn’t just take it in there…  on a nice note… the lady that was in here when he dropped them off paid for his order when he left… that’s the second time that’s happened in two weeks..

a guy just came in here and told me this sob story that he ran out of fuel and he needs to get home to brick and his wife is a customer here… so i gave him 4$ that i found… and if i wasn’t alone right now i’d follow him to the liquor store and watch him spend it on booze… dammit… lol

the microwave broke… conveniently after everyone else ate lunch

well the last 2 hours have been filled with joy… around 115 mr cowan came in to pick up his two pants that were supposed to be here last night… the girl i work with put them in the wrong day…. and to top it off one of the tags fell off of the pants… i was lucky enough to get the one pair of pants back before the customer came in but the other was still at lakehurst.  he seemed pretty annoyed that the second pair wasn’t back even tho i explained to him what happened and they should be back within the hour.  a few minutes later i got a phone call from his wife demanding to know what happened to the pants.  i explained to her like i did her husband that the tag fell off the pants in the cleaning machine and we did not know the pants were hers until they cleaned the trap on the machine and found the tag.  this answer was not good enough for her, of course.  she wanted to know why i didn’t call her to tell her the pants weren’t there last night.  about 10 items weren’t here last night… she demands to know when they will be back and i told her about 45 minutes when the driver gets back here.  that wasn’t good enough. so i take her phone number and tell her i would call her back. i confirmed the time of 123 with her. in the next 9 minutes she called me back 3 times and i tried to explain to her yet again that the pants were complete and done and in transit to our store from the place they do the dry cleaning.  this wasn’t good enough.  by 140 she’s standing in the front of the store giving me the death stare while i wait on another customer.  after that man leaves she demands again to know where her pants are and accuses me of blowing her off because i was with another customer… so not the case… she didn’t even know that in the 17 minutes since her first phone call to me i’ve been on the phone with 3 different idiots at lakehurst on a series of 4 phone calls and 1 to nicks cell phone to try to get these pants back to her… then she starts telling me how i’m rude because i did not offer her an apology. i stood there and took the bashing from this lady for about a minute then i lost it on her. as she kept going on about how no one said they were sorry i told her i wasn’t sorry and sometimes mistakes happen and i was doing all that i could to get her these pants.  then she tells me that her daughter used to work here and she would never be so rude to a customer. i said right back to that yeah she probably knows how to deal with people like you from living in the same house.  she did not like that one bit. she asked me how i could be so rude to her… i not so kindly reminded her that i’ve been dealing with her attitude since the first phone call.  she didn’t like that much either… then she said she wanted to talk to wil.  i said no use in that since he’s not my boss.   but she just kept on going… she then was like well where are they coming from that’s 3 and half miles away… i told her the other store was in manchester. she says oh and how many stops in between… i looked at her and said just the traffic light unless you want him to speed and run all those too… i walked away for a bit while wil talked to her…  then i walked back up front and she’s STILLLL complaining like that would make this process go any faster…  i asked her if she wanted to talk to my boss and she said yes.  she picks up the business card and asks if his name is jim i said yup.. she dials this stores number… eeediot… i call jim on the store line and tell him that mrs cowan wants to discuss my attitude problem with him… he laughs… she goes on and on and on about me… he gets back on the phone and laughs… just get her out of the store he says..  lol… i told him the whole story… hehe… stupid bitch… so she’s still up front waiting for nick to get here and wil tells me how i’m not allowed to act like this to customers… i told him that if she thinks it’s okay to walk into a business and treat another person in this world the way she did then i can treat her the same right back.. i would never be so rude to a person. ever.  Nick finally gets here and instead of instantly grabbing the pants and bringing them to the front of the store he’s complaining that the rack isn’t back. i said where are the pants… he said on the truck i start to head for the truck and he’s like well GO GET THEM YOURSELF THEN… i said i will. i open the truck door and nick says i’m gonna wrinkle things… this coming from the person that carries 20 piece in one hand over his shoulder on the regular… i said she cannot wait… he says she can wait another minute… i’m glad wil was at least there to witness that…  she finally leaves not saying a word… as if the sky is falling because she didn’t get her pants… wow…. a fucking pair of pants… this lady is the definition of CUNT… it’s people like her that battered woman’s shelters are in existence for….

anyways… it’s now 4:03pm

The Dry Cleaner Diaries….

Mrs. Rubens walks in the door and before she even makes it to the counter she exclaims how she HAS TO HAVE these pants for tomorrow. I kindly explain to her that we are having machine trouble and I cannot guaranty them for tomorrow…
Mr. Katz just came in here to say “good morning”  he prolly jerked off to me last night and once again this morning since he copped a feel of my stomach yesterday… I suppose him coming in to say hi would just be his form of “pillow talk”  gross.
anyways back to Mrs. Rubens… she says “well I NEED THEM” I try to explain to her again that the machine is not operational right now and that there is a significant chance the pants will not be back tomorrow.  she states to me rather than asking “well they will be back the next day for sure then”  once again I tell her that there is no way for me to know that until the repairs are completed on the machine.  she still doesn’t understand that I cannot dry clean her pants for tomorrow or the next day without a dry cleaning machine and she insists on leaving them here anyway.  it’s 8:22am and I’m already surrounded by idiots.
enter fire zone jew…. really no reason for parking there seeing as the entire lot is empty…
ugh back to Dexter for a few
alas, morning of jews… this guy is gonna want his stuff tomorrow too… I’m sure of it… at least the shirt machine is functioning today… well he didn’t want his stuff for tomorrow but he did know where exactly to look on his wife’s dress for some pull marks that we definitely put there… couldn’t possibly be from her coat rubbing on the spot… the cleaners is always to blame… wil is fixing it now.  fucking jews and their ability to get shit for free.  now he’s standing outside smoking his cigarette and drinking his morning coffee, which he does twice a week when he comes here… so not the jewish thing to do.
a man and his little son came in to drop off some stuff… his little boy gets all shy and nervous and whispers something to his dad… he dad then tells him that he has to ask me if he wants stickers… HAHA  too cute… at least everyone is not an asshole today…
ughhhh…. another jew…. WITH A GIANT GARBAGE BAG…. ughhhhhhhh…..  guess when she wanted the dry cleaning for…. TOMORROW!!!  lol… then she asked if she could pick it up in the other store… NO.  lol… at least between Mrs. rubens and Mrs. Cohen I found out the machine is not totally broken and should be fine in a little while…
so the td bank just opened about a week and half ago and this girl that works there is the most chipper person I’ve ever encountered… it must be a new job.
oooh another jew in the fire zone… parking lot even more empty… wonder what mountain he’s gonna want me to climb for him…  oh what can’t get out of your car because there’s too much traffic… backing up to get closer… haha  this is classic…

don’t worry you can keep the fire zone warm with your car illegally parked while you finish that phone call… I have all day too just so you know…  on his way in… still on the phone… bet he’s screaming when he get in here and then he expects me to read his mind when I ask his phone number… how dare I interrupt the convo.
OMG I wish I had a video of the last 2 minutes to prove my previous statement perfectly correct… must actually have my esp on today… he was having a conversation about the traffic going into the lincoln tunnel and how much it helps to leave just a little bit earlier.  totally interesting.

perhaps we should change this days name from tuesday to jewsday… here comes another… this place is gonna smell so bad by the end of the day.

“I have 26 shirts”  “okay but I’m gonna have to count them myself to check” “sighhhhhhh”  I counted them first 13 then he decided to count the second 13… much to his dismay I STILL NEED TO MAKE SURE!!!  lol… idiot

on a good note Mrs. Corrigan just brought back a black pants that actually belongs to another Mrs. Corrigan that my ever so wonderful new employee gave out to her by accident.  love how the first thing I told her is MAKE SURE THE TICKET NUMBERS MATCH BEFORE GIVING OUT THINGS. but then again I couldn’t imagine a world in which two people unrelated could have the same last name.

really another jew???  I don’t get it today… I even have Jeff texting me… this is absurd… oh look this one is on his phone too… lingering outside the door… should I take another bite of my muffin or not… hmmmm……  wow… he wanted his shirts for tomorrow… shocker… it’s $10.15  he says I’ll give you the 15 cents later like he said to me last week… I said you never gave me the 15 cents from last week… I wonder how many 15 cents this jew has gotten away with…

directly after that Mrs. Frederick calls to inform me that her 11 piece shirt order only contained 10 pieces… and  guess fucking what!  it’s missing A BRAND NEW SHIRT! of course it’s brand new… we never lose or damage anything old here… it’s like the mistake fairy is fine tuned to brand new items.  this one more specifically… a GRAY VANHEUSAN SHIRT FROM JC PENNEY!!!!!!!  not funny.

ya know what really annoys me… 3 different people have come in asking for the sprinkler room key… WE DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING KEY!!!!!!!!!!!!

calling paramount now… ughhhh…..

oh guess what another jew… this is my favorite… she actually waited til she was walking out the door to request her stuff be done a day earlier… ASSHOLE

an old lady just called me adorable… =)

there are some guys here inspecting the sprinklers… he said he doesn’t mind getting caught in the nick trap… THIS GUY MUST BE ON SOME CRAZZZZZZY DRUGS… if i look up I’m gonna get a face full of stuff…. like I haven’t heard that before… he’s actually quite comical…

told him that ‘s where I hide the bodies…

got some stuff on my chair….

sprinkler guy just reappeared… looking green… apparently he just drank some orange juice off the floor in the sprinkler room… it wasn’t his… and it wasn’t fresh… and it might not have even been orange juice… if he throws up in front of me… I’m quitting this day…

my boss just insisted that I text Jeff and ask him why all the jews are coming in today… he doesn’t really care but he wants to bust Jeff’s balls about his store not being busy… love how I’m thrown in the middle of this… maybe he should put more effort into the dry cleaning…

sprinkler guy just threw the keys back on the counter and told me he was done with me… but only after he stood there til I turned around… then said he needed a proper exit… a proper exit?  after he throws up?  is that a joke???

so much for an exit… he totally came back… he claims it’s because he’s lazy and walking through here is more convenient… I asked him what his name was and he said he wasn’t telling me… boys are weird.

walked through again… didn’t say a word… but wil gave me the death stare like it’s my fault this boy is a totally wackjob…

he claims to have told me his name when he first came in here… I told him all I heard was blah blah blah…. I told him I was gonna start charging him to walk through the store… he said he didn’t see a toll… or even a sign for a toll

 

he said I’m short changing myself… so he asks for keys back and I tried to sell them back to him for 10$ each… that did not work either….

 

jews ahoy!!!  guess when he needed 42 shirts and 13 suits for…  TOMORROWWWWWW!!!

 

so the fire alarm just went off for 2 minutes straight… I can’t hear a fucking thing right now…

 

a grandmother just brought her granddaughter in here to get some pants hemmed.. I was writing up her ticket and said just the length?… she says to me… “yeah we gotta get them bigger in the waist til she gets skinny like you” … right in front of this little girl…she had to be like 12… wow.

 

customer “these pants have poison ivy on them”   me *takes out shot gun and shoots self in head*    haha….

ughhhh…. this dude parked here to ask if wil was gonna be here in an hour because he was going to the pizza place to eat… so what would be the problem with parking and asking on the way into the pizzeria?

Mrs. clement… fire zone… drops stuff and runs… soooo annoying…

this guy came in and pointed out that I was eating lunch at lunch time… and that he thought I should share…. think I should point out that he is illegally parked in the fire zone and disrupting the traffic flow to the plaza cuz he does not know how to share?

it’s 12:48pm and I’m trying to eat my lunch as previously stated… if jimmy is late today I’m gonna freak…. mmmm pickles…

Mr. Kaufman just came in… he wasn’t that creepy today prolly because there were guys all up in here!

STEVE!!!!! his name is STEVE!!!!!! sprinkler guy is back… he says a BLT is a bacon sandwich… I’m in agreement…

the Mexicans are listening to the Mexican version of piano man… I want to cry…. this morning they were listening to eminem… which is very out of character…

Steve is back again… I can tell that wil is biting his lip in utter disgust for the way boys flock to me… he asked to use our microwave… I let him… Steve passed judgment on little jimmy by seeing him for 2 minutes in a track suit… he was dead on.

ughh… break from the front!  yessss!!!!! get this tagging done and waiting for nick to get back with more work…

why I go bat shit crazy at work….

this guy backed in and out 6 times before the guy in front finally left so he could just leave through the space in front…

there are 3 people in the store right now… jimmy is making every effort to go as slow as possible and there is nothing I can do to help out cuz there is only 1 computer…. police officer my ass….

jimmy just asked me if a king sized bed spread is 15 dollars even tho the computer says 35… before that he accused me of not being able to multi task because I got annoyed at him for talking while I was trying to watch Dexter… I kindly explained to him that it’s not my inability to multi task it’s because I don’t WANT to… or more straight forward  I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT I’M TRYING TO WATCH DEXTER!!!!!

well… xfinity just stopped working so no more Dexter… I think I’ll enjoy the shit show that is jimmy alphabetizing shirts…

right now me and a really chill customer are having a silent conversation about how slow and dumb jimmy is… we’re laughing like little girls… too funny… he just asked me “what did I miss?”  I said “EVERYTHINGGGGGG”  he says “oh”  ughhhh….

Just got into an argument with Nick… he’s trying to tell me that going to Nom’s store rather than going back to Lakehurst to get my work is a good idea… then he adds “you don’t even know where Nom’s store is”  “oh really” I say.  “how about in Stella plaza on 166 across from the 7 eleven right past the parkway over pass 3 stores down from the laundromat and sometimes they watch the store for him while he takes his little granddaughter to school.  Ya know the place that’s a disgusting mess with kids toys filling the fitting room, nope! Don’t know where that is.”   *cricket cricket*

One of my customers from Lakehurst just came in here to see how miserable I was… isn’t that lovely… then he asked me out to a movie to make up for finding it funny that I’m miserable…

Just got off the phone with my boss… he said Nick will be on his way back in a little while… it’s already 4:33… I am exhausted.  This day sucks and I’m sure tomorrow will be no better.

4:40pm. This lady is actually trying things on in the fitting room right now… you would think something like this would require a parking spot… hmmm…. I bet after her fitting she asks for each individual price of everything in her giant bag of stuff… good thing I will not be writing this order up.  Xfinity is fixed and I’m back to Dexter.   It’s 4:42pm and the work still isn’t here.

The lady in the fire zone is still here… she’s studying her ticket…  4:49pm
4:53pm she finally leaves AND  Nick is here!!!!

Well the last 40 minutes was just awesome… I got to look through every single piece of clothing that was on our rack… looking for  2 pairs of pants that were from Saturday.  Maybe this would have been more effective had I know there was a problem on Saturday… OH WAIT!! I did know they were missing and when I call on Saturday to find my missing pieces I get blown off and told “oh there’s a lot of re-dos and I don’t feel like looking for them”  hmmmm then I call again on Monday and what do I hear?  “oh the machine is being repaired and I’m busy I’ll call ya back”  Tuesday morning “I don’t have time to look for it”  Tuesday afternoon “someone over there bagged it wrong”  too bad most of the orders from Friday and Saturday have already been given out… ha….

5:55pm  I think it’s time to leave.

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